A Few Men, Some Lunch and Beneficial Dissonance

A few weeks ago, after the Presidential election, one of the men in our group said, “It feels like you all elected a President who would protect whiteness.”

Now, in a lot of places, a comment like that would inevitably raise blood pressures and angry tempers around the table. But in this group, we welcomed our friend’s honesty, and we listened. As the discussion moved along, the men at the table who were white began to see that whether his perspective was entirely accurate or not, that really wasn’t the point. Our Black friend was expressing how things felt from where he stood in the world. And if he is our Christian brother, then how he sees the world should matter to us.

This is what we’ve been doing for two years. As we met once a month to read More Than Equals with a few Black men, one Asian man, and a few white men, I expected to learn, and I expected to feel some dissonance. Reggie Edwards is especially good at creating beneficial dissonance. I’d say it’s one of her primary spiritual gifts! She assembled our group for just this purpose.

As the group has kept the conversation going, you can tell we love each other as brothers, but we don’t always understand each other. So we tread into these topics with the honesty, grace, and curiosity that the gospel message can uniquely accomplish, if we give God’s Spirit room to work.  

Most of the Black men at the table have been hurt before. They come wondering, should they risk it again? Can they trust guys like me who are white? The white men show up wanting to learn, but worried about saying something wrong that could be offensive, even though Reggie has set the table for a gracious, charitable dialogue. Our Asian friend in the group occupies a helpful in-between spot, and asks thoughtful questions as we talk about the Christian gospel, and its relevance to inter-racial relationships.

For me as a pastor in Raleigh, I admit I don’t exactly know how to tackle the larger, more complex racial tensions and inequities in the world. What I do know is that the Bible teaches me, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom 12:18). I also know that the kingdom of God multiplies slowly but surely wherever seeds of biblical reconciliation are sown. Jesus said, “Night and day, whether [the farmer] sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how.” This is how I feel. I don’t know how, but I have faith that something deeper, something significant, something that God loves is growing as we racially different men take time to carefully listen to each other, and grow in love for each other, and even feel a little agitated and awkward with each other sometimes.  

This is what God is doing through Reggie Edwards and the ministry of The Encouraging Place. If she (or someone close to her) invites you to join a group like this, please join us in the conversation. I’m eager to see the sprouting kingdom growth that could occur if more of us pulled a chair up to these tables.

-The Rev. Eric Bolash